The slow-mo spit-roast.

Working in a residential home - I have some awesome stories... I am also unable to post many of them, or those that I could, I would probably fail to get across the humour of the situation, as people reading this can't know the character quirks of the individuals of which I would be speaking!
Mostly though - it's legal and confidentiality issues!

But there is this one story, involving myself and my friend Jess - and a Polish lass by the name of Trev.
Now, I can only assume the story involved me and my wishes in some way to begin with, because we were discussing a spit-roast (no,not the kind with a pig). Trev, being lovely and cute and very innocent looks at us and Say's ..Adopts cute Polish accent: ''What is Spit-roast?''
Well, I - being me could not just simply explain this - like a normal person! And Jess being Jess - of course would join in whatever the fuck I started.

So up I get, Dr Pepper bottle (What's the worst that can happen, right?) in hand.. and bend myself over the table, deep throating my bottle like a trooper, while Jess enthusiastically thrusts away behind.
Appropriate behaviour for work? No, but that is one thing that is not expected of me! Because, well, I am me! It is part of my job to keep the conversations in the gutter, I am the comic relief! So, indeed not appropriate - but definitely expected.
We were on our lunch break, so this would have been all very well, were it not for one of the people we look after, stood very quietly in the doorway watching us. She never said a word, she just stood there... now at this point, any one else may well have stopped when we noticed her.. but we are not anyone else....
So I slightly froze, bottle rammed down the back of my throat. While Jess slowed right down, but continued to thrust at me, as if the slow motion would make it so much better or possibly less noticeable and just carried on in slow motion!
Luckily this particular woman, she had a sense of humour and found it pretty funny and nothing more came of the whole situation. Possibly in fact the scariest thing about it, is that Trev STILL asks us to explain things to her!
So, there you go people - a little slice of my life at work! It's pretty much the same sober and working for me  as it is out and drinking! Always some shit going on!